145.5

As I stepped on the scale yesterday afternoon, this pretty little number came up. I try not to weigh myself often because it makes me feel very self conscious. I have always weighed more than it made sense for my body. The most I had ever seen on the scale was 168.8. This was in November.

I have always been overweight. It's been something I've been battling since I was a sophomore in high school. I always noticed that I couldn't ever wear the same pants as my friends, and only a few of their shirts fit me. They never made me feel like I was overweight, but deep down I knew I was.

My mom is very concerned with outside appearances. She has told me time and time again that I either need to lose weight or I need to wear clothes that flatter me. No tight shirts, not tight jeans. You get the picture. But, I honestly didn't think I was THAT big.
I have had a trainer for the past three summers. The first summer, I was very dedicated and ate a very strict diet. I never felt so wonderful. Then, college came, and we all knows what happens in college. The food is bad, and there is no motivation to go workout after a stressful day in class. I just let myself go, and eat whatever my heart desired.

When I was at my sister's wedding, I looked through my sister-in-laws camera. I saw that I was bigger than I had ever been before. At that moment, I decided that I was going to do what it took to get back at a healthy weight.

Immediately, I began watching what I ate. No sugar, limiting carbs (but not giving them up, because that's bad! Remember, Dad?) and replacing enriched flour for Whole Grains. I dropped 10 pounds almost instantly.


I am still trying to watch what I eat, but if there isn't a good healthy selection at Winslow, I watch my portions. I don't ask for more fries or get that dessert I've been craving. I settle for almonds or something of that nature. I've been running, though not as much as I should.


Weight isn't so much an important issue for me but, after losing that much weight, I feel so much better. My body feels refreshed. It feels awesome to climb 7 flights of stairs and not get winded, or briskly walk to class and not break a sweat. Not to mention how great it feels to have pants sagging off my body. =]

Before

Nyah Amina

Three and a half years ago I was blessed with my first niece, Miss Nyah Amina. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. The second I saw her, I fell in love. I knew the first time I held that sweet precious brown haired brown eyes baby girl that we had a special bond.

For the first year and a half of her life we played almost every day. Now, she lives really far away, but I still think about her every single day. Her beautiful face pops up on my phone when I turn it on and her sweet voice plays over and over in my head.

The last time I Skyped with her and my sister, I couldn't believe how big this little one has gotten. She was speaking in full sentences and telling me about things. Adult things, like "I'm gonna go to the movie. Would you like to go to the movie too?" It doesn't feel like she should be doing these things.


She is in school. She is learning so many ways of life, and it is just amazing to me to hear about her achievements in life thus far. She is brilliant. She is a social butterfly who accepts the new kids and takes them under her wing to show them the way. Her "mommy" side has already come out with her baby sister. Even though she may not like to share all the time, she is a loving and helpful little girl who will do anything for her sister.

The reason I am writing this is because I feel like I haven't had a chance to connect with her in such a long time. I am going to see them this summer when a new precious baby joins our family. I will be spending a ton of time with the two girls. I cannot wait. It don't think I will ever want to leave. I can't wait to be apart of their daily routine and learn about them without a bunch of people around.

Don't get me wrong, I love both of my girls more than anything. And I let everyone know every chance I get. They are my inspiration. They are who I want to be great for. But Elsa is still a baby in a sense. She is learning things too, but Nyah has just blown me away with all of her adultness.


I am so proud of my sister for raising such wonderful little girls. They are the sweetest, funniest, most beautiful kids. She is the worlds best momma.

Curveballs

So life has thrown some pretty hard curve balls my way recently. I have been hit with some hard school work, financial issues, being sick, and a really hard break-up.

I know that with all of these things comes something better. I know that everything happens for a reason and there is nothing to worry about. Each thing has come and gone, but the breakup is still very fresh. It is like a wound that hasn't scarred over yet. It's really hard to just say goodbye after two years. Though it was mutual, it's still hard. I know that we have done the right thing and that each of us will be happy in the end. I don't know where this road is going to take me, but I just have to hold my head high and accept the change that has been thrown my way. I am a very strong girl, I am a Duckworth for goodness sake. I can handle anything. Right?

I hope that all of you take this time to appreciate every little thing in your life. Whether it be your precious kids or your ability to walk across your living room floor. We all take things for granted. Just remember to be grateful every so often.

Goodnight.